My on-going thyroid drama

I have a broken thyroid. It is 100% non-functioning. I began exhibiting symptoms of thyroid disease after the birth of my daughter, when I became chronically fatigued and was unable to lose weight (in fact, I gained weight – ten months post-partum I weighed nearly as much as I did when I went into labor). When I complained about these symptoms, nearly everyone would laugh and say, “Welcome to being a new mom!” (Incidentally, people are STILL telling me this even though I have been formally diagnosed with thyroid disease and despite the fact that my daughter is almost two years old). I learned about my bum thyroid after signing up at a weight loss clinic and having blood work done. (Interestingly, I got the phone call as I was getting into my car after having attended an Obama rally on my university’s campus.) My Dr. prescribed a synthetic thyroid hormone (Levothyroxine, the generic version of Synthroid) and things seemed to get a little better. I lost weight, anyway.

I don’t think this is funny. I think it’s annoying.

The Onion posted this article on September 5, and my husband brought it to my attention today. It is meant to parody fundamentalist Christians who flock to abnormal patterns in just about everything and claim to see Christ or Mary or whatever by replacing Christ with Darwin and fundamentalist Christians with “evolutionists” (whatever that means). I get that. The superficial reading is meant to make us laugh at those silly people who are so desperate for evidence to back up their beliefs that they see holy images in entirely random splotches, burns, stains, dog butts, and potato chips. But a second reading is that “evolutionists,” presumably people who accept evolution to be true (and vociferously support the theory?), are just as raving and zealous as fundamentalist Christians, and just as desperate for “proof” to support their claims. This is, of course, ridiculous, but is a belief widely held by anti-evolution Christians (how many times have you heard “Evolution is a religion, too!”?).

It just doesn’t work for me. I’m terribly annoyed. How did you read the article?

It is far too quiet around here

I need to figure out how to attract more readers. It’s been too long since I’ve had a good argument on the Internet (or even a bad one). I think it is funny that I had more virtual fights on my personal baby blog than I do here. I mean, like, that’s the reason I created this blog!

Excuse me while I go pick some fights on other blogs…

I think I must be insane

Remember how I was all, “I’m not ready to have another behbeh?” Yeah well, tell my brain/body, because they aren’t listening.

The same thing is happening to me now that happened three years ago: it started with a twinge of longing that got worse and worse until it was like a psychosis. Babies on the brain! OMG must get pregnant! It became a topic of intense fascination for me, and I was a woman obsessed. It also became the subject of many fights between my husband and me.

And it’s happening again. I don’t know if it is biologically or socially driven, but the baby urge is back and getting stronger every day. Every time I hear about another woman my age getting pregnant (as I did just today), I feel a twinge of jealousy. And every time I get my period I am disappointed. Look, I know that I’ve got a ton of shit going on in my life right now, but I can’t help it. The question is, how the hell do I get it to stop?

The real issue is that this is causing some real problems with my mental health and with my marriage. First, it’s making me depressed as hell because I really want another baby and I know, intellectually, that I can’t have one. Second, I learned recently that the reason my husband and I don’t get it on anymore is because he’s afraid of getting me pregnant. This was very, very bad news for me. After he admitted this little nugget I went to bed early and cried for an hour and a half. We’ve since talked about it, and I think the issue is closed for him, but it’s not for me. So now I have the delightful dual knowledge that not only is right now a really bad time to have a second kid, but that my husband is so averse to the thought that he won’t even fuck me.

We talked about the issue a little more just recently, and I spilled my guts. I feel a little bad always bringing this up, but I thought that he should know what I am going through. He maintains that we “just can’t have another baby right now,” because our current situation is not ideal. I asked him what would be ideal. He answered, “A bigger house.” I told him that we wouldn’t be able to get a bigger house until we were ready to leave our current one, which wouldn’t be for another three years (at least) when I finish my dissertation. And then I’d have to put it off for another year or two while I find a job and get established. So we’re looking at four to five years before even considering a second child? This makes me horribly depressed. I told him that when we talk about things in this way what it boils down to is that we aren’t EVER having another baby because, let’s face it, no time will ever be ideal.

So what do I do? Find some way to get rid of the baby cravings? Bug the shit out of my husband until he gives in and live with the consequences? Give up completely and resign myself to the idea of never having more kids? Sigh. I’m really at a loss. Sometimes being an adult really blows.

I might be a bad friend, part II

As predicted, Em woke up at 6:30 am. Miraculously, Zee was able to coax her back to sleep by rubbing her back, and she stayed that way, on the floor, until 8:00 am. We got up and had our breakfast and then watched Blue’s Clues. Because Ernest and Rae do not have cable, we accomplished this by streaming the show via Netflix to their XBox 360. Rae emerged from her bedroom at around 9:30, Ernest at 10:00, and they ate their breakfast some time around 10:30 am.

I checked with them to make sure that the water heater was turned on, and while they ate I took a hot bath and shaved my legs. While I relaxed I began to think about the horrible previous day, saw the humor in it, and chuckled quietly to myself. Everything is fine now, I thought. Everything is going to be great. I chastised myself for being so grumpy and critical of Rae; I should be grateful for her hospitality. After all, by putting us up she was saving us a lot of money. I promised myself that I would be a better guest from now on.

My review of the Diva Cup

I first heard about the Diva Cup ab0ut a year ago and was immediately intrigued, but didn’t get around to buying one for myself until a couple of months ago. I read lots of reviews and everything I heard was good, so I thought I’d give it a try. I bought a size 2 cup, which is intended for women aged 30+ or who have given birth (check and check). I’ve now been using it for two months and I have to say that after a rough start I’m extremely satisfied and happy with my purchase.

Science explained! Volume One: Hypotheses, Laws, Facts, and Theories

My professional and academic interests concern people’s understandings of the nature of science (NOS). It has taken me a while to get to this point, or at least for me to realize that NOS was really at the heart of the problem. I was able to do an independent study a couple of summers ago. My intention was to read as much literature as I could on the evolution/creation debate in American public schools. What I concluded was that the primary reason many people do not accept evolution as valid is that they do not understand NOS. That is, they don’t speak the language of science, they don’t understand what kinds of evidence are valid, and they don’t understand, or have access to, the culture of science.

I have convinced myself that if science educators (this includes K-12 science teachers, teacher educators, and college professors) take it upon themselves to concentrate on NOS in their courses, more people will have a sufficient understanding of and appreciation for science – they will be functionally science literate. I am currently trying to figure out a way to make this the subject of my doctoral dissertation.

Until then, I might as well try to set the record straight for the few people who might actually read this. I might start a little series about NOS, but for now there is one misconception in particular that I’d like to address. That is the proper definition of important science buzzwords like fact, hypothesis, law and theory. Consider this a crash course.

I am not ready for another child.

I heard or read somewhere recently that we are in the middle of a baby boom, as big or bigger than the one that produced my parents. I believe it – seems like everyone around me is having babies! I wasn’t too surprised that my friends all started having kids at around the same time (and that I did, too); we are all in our late 20s and are college educated. Seemed the right time. But now, here’s the weird thing: most of the couples I know who have children around the same age as Em (and many of them whose first kid is younger than Em) have had or are pregnant with their second child. It’s not just a few people, it’s the vast majority of them. What is going on?

Is this plus size? Really?

If it is, then I guess that I am “plus size” as well, because my tummy does PRECISELY the same thing when I sit down. Now, I am definitely not fat – I wear a size 4, and that is a little loose on me (but size 2 is really pushing it; a little too snug, though I can pull it off with a couple of pairs of shorts I bought this summer). And yet when I sit, my belly folds into one big ol’ jelly-like roll. Why? I HAD A BABY! I carried a tiny person inside my abdomen for 9 months, and by the end I was a *little* bit distended. In fact, I’m fairly certain that my daughter came 3 weeks early because there simply wasn’t enough room left for her, and I was stretched as far as I could go!

I am so glad that Glamour magazine published this photo for a couple of reasons. First, the woman is gorgeous, and because my body looks very similar to hers, it makes me feel better about myself. (The article to which I linked says she wears a size 12-14… she must be very tall, because I can tell you that when I was a size 14 I did NOT look that good!) I was beginning to lament the fact that I will likely never be rid of my “kangaroo pooch” outside of getting a tummy tuck (which just seems like a silly and stupid thing). But you know, I’m going to be 30 this year (the woman in the photo is 20, so that makes me feel even better!), I’ve been married for 5 years to the world’s most wonderful man (I know you think YOU’VE got the dude with that title, but I’m sorry ladies, you’re simply wrong! Hee hee), I’ve got a healthy kid – what the hell do I need with a flat stomach? I mean seriously, nobody else cares, so why should I?

I am also glad that this was published because it might just show people what a real, healthy female body can look like, and that it’s normal, and that this woman is (obviously) 100% comfortable with the way she looks. So maybe because a high-end, highly circulated magazine decided that this was worthy of print means that our attitude of what is to be considered “normal” and “beautiful” is changing. Maybe. I hope so, because then maybe then I’ll not only have the courage to wear a bikini to the beach (and I did! To Daytona beach! Can you believe it???), but not feel self-conscious about it!

If you check out the article that I linked above, do yourself a favor and skip the comments. They will just make you angry. Take this one for instance:

Ok, so let me post the opposing view. I was dismayed to see this pic of this young woman. She may be “normal” to some, but we shouldn’t be telling young women that it’s ok to have a belly. Gaining weight around your middle is very bad for your health. Too many young women overeat and are walking around with lots of belly fat. This is not healthy. So while I understand the idea of being proud of your body, celebrating this condition of having belly fat is not a good idea.

It’s not okay to have a belly? That’s news to me. I’d like to have a conversation with this person and explain to him/her that even someone like me, who is pretty tiny, can have a belly. It’s not healthy? Really? I think my family physician would disagree. Can someone find this person and, I don’t know, punch ‘em in the face? Thanks!

I might be a bad friend, part I

My husband and I have been together for 11.5 years, married for 5, and in that time have never had a “real” vacation. We usually go camping, which I suppose is “real” enough, but we’ve never done anything extravagant, like hopping on a plane and spending a week at the beach or a few theme parks. Well, we decided that this was the year for it. This is partly because my best friend, whom I’ll call Rae, just moved to Florida’s pan handle a couple of months ago after her husband earned his PhD and scored a post doc position at the University of Florida, so the vacation was an excuse to visit. This is important to remember: the reason we were supposed to be down there was to visit with Rae.

We’d been planning the trip for months. Rae had asked me what sorts of things my daughter likes to eat (e.g., has to have skim milk and bananas for breakfast or there will be hell to pay), we talked about what she needed to do for baby proofing (which is not a big deal because she has a 7 month old daughter herself, and it’s something she’ll need to do eventually anyway), etc. She planned all kinds of activities for us to do – or said that she did – and assured me that our visit would be “amazing, unforgettable.” Well, she was right: it was unforgettable. But not in a good way. Here, let me unfold for you this comedy of errors.